i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize