Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
