What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i've created a new STD.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
