rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
