But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
