Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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