This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
