I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
