I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
