I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
