Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
