Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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