and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
