do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize