He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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