i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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