Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
