Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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