i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
