You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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