I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
