I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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