I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
