i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
