overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
