i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
