Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
