He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
