big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
