When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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