I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
