i just google imaged poop.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have aggressive nipples.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
