Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Couch. On fire.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
