What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
