Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
