I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
