Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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