eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
