yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
