I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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