I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
