it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
