since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
