Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
