Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
