mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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