My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
