I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
