Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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