Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
