No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
