I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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