It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
