Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
