Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
