You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
