If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
