yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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