I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
