@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need water and some morals
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
