You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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