youre lurking in front of me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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