areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
