I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
