when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
