birth control should be required to get into college
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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