The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
