you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this beer tastes like vomit already
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
