Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No subtext here. People are naked.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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