It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
