it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
