If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
