I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
