How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
