he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
