At least make sure they are 18
Why
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
