i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
