I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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