Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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