I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You took a bar mat shot.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
