This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
