Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize