Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
