I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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