Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
