Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
