When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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