You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
