The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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