I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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