Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
