i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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