i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
