Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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